"How can I learn to trust again?"
Hi Darel
I have problem trusting my boyfriend. I checked on his e-mails and found that he is having a relationship with his ex-staff. I asked him about his relationship and he denied it. I did not tell him about the e-mails I saw.
However this kept haunting me and I asked him on several occasions or insinuating from time to time. He felt that I did not trust him. He threatened to break off with me if I were to question him on this again.
I tried my best not to talk about it, but I blurted it out one day and he was so furious. He has since refused to talk to me. We live more than 10,000 miles apart.
I want to have another go at this relationship, as he is really a nice man. How can I learn to trust again? Now that I know his e-mail password I can't stop reading, especially the correspondence between him and his ex-staff. Please help!!!!!!!!!!
Thanks
Desperate
A BEING SOLUTION:
Good Question, Desperate,
But, in wanting to restart this relationship, you're setting yourself to be the on-going victim of an unhappy alliance. He's already proven that you can't trust him. That's who he is, and you can't possibly change that.
And since you are10,000 miles apart, propably in more ways than one, I can't even imagine why you'd even want to try.
The only element in that relationship over which you have the power to change is you. I can't help you change him, but perhaps I can help you change you so that he's no longer your problem.
The first step in the BEING Solution for your problem would be for you to realize that he's not the problem. You are! Until you get that, you won't be solving the problem.
The BEING Solution for any problem is simply the process of changing your mind, which boils down to changing your attitude, your opinion, or your point of view about what you had once perceived to be a problem.
Desperate, you've been changing your mind about stuff all your life. So, if you were to make up your mind to change your attitude and your point of view about this relationship, you could easily do that couldn't you?
So let's talk about some logical reasons for changing your mind about him.
He's a nice guy when he's not lying, so what! There are a lot of nice guys out there.
What you really want is a relationship with a nice guy you can trust.
He doesn't fit that description.
How can you even hope to trust someone who has proven that you can't trust him?
When you change your point of view, you change who you're BEING. When you make that BEING switch, you change what belongs in your life. The first step in that process would be to reject what you don't want in your life.
Saying "NO" to what was and "YES" to what can be, is a powerful BEING choice, and it's the BEING SOLUTION for your problem.
Before you can have what you want from life, you must first create the space for that to happen.
Before you can choose to BE in a loving relationship with a man you can trust, you must choose out of the relationship that does not give you what you want. This choosing is a new BEING commitment.
Having what you want from life requires only that you choose to BE the one to whom it belongs by right of consciousness. After that BEING choice, it happens automatically.
So, Desperate, what do you really want? ...a loving relationship with a man you can trust, right? Visualize yourself BEING the one who attracts that perfect man.
Desperate, that will not be easy for you, because who you are now is someone who does not trust men. And they can't trust you to trust them, can they? You're the one who reads other people's email.
To change what's in your life, you must first take full responsibility for what's in your life now. Remember, I said earlier, He's not the problem, you are. You have attracted into your life exactly that which belongs with you.
That's why the only possible solution for your problem is a BEING solution.
