Wouldn't you like know the real
reason that perfect person, your soul mate, hasn't shown up?
because you haven't created the space for him or her to be in your life!
Let me give you an
example of how that works.
Several years ago, Francine, a lady
doctor who lives in the United States met and fell in love with a man
who lived in England. As the years passed, their contacts became less
and less, and it became obvious to both that the relationship
would never amount to more than a time to remember.
But this long-distance relationship,
even though it would never be more than a fond memory, had become a
barrier to her having a serious relationship.
And then Francine. like most women in
business, made the mistake of concluding that women in business can't
really have a relationship--that itís either a relationship or the
business --one or the other, but not both.
Based on that belief, Francine
proceeded to make her practice her whole life
The reality concept here is that there
could be no room in her life for a permanent relationship with a man,
because a relationship demands more than you can give to a relationship
if you also have a business to run.
I disagreed with that premise and
suggested that she might want to create the space for a serious
relationship by giving up the idea that it could only be one or the
other. I suggested that she might want to create the space for a
relationship to happen.
I also suggested that she give up on
the fairy tale that her long distance relationship would ever amount to
anything more than a romanticized memory.
Three weeks later Francine reported
that she had given up her attachment to the man in England and had
finally made up her mind that her business would no longer be her whole
life. By so doing, she was creating the space for a relationship to
Almost immediately that vacuum was
filled. This month she met the man with whom she thinks she can create a
This is the
way life works. If you want something from life that you
donít now have, create the space for it to happen and it will. Thatís
not a promise; itís a guarantee. Create the void, and nature will fill
that principle is also true for anything else you may want from life
that you don't now have. Whatever you want -- whatever's missing from
your life is not about to show up until you create space for it.
once you make room for it, it must happen, because nature abhors a
So, how does one create space for the good
stuff to show up? Easy! Just get rid of what's no longer
serving you and have a fairly clear idea about who or what you want to
fill that space.
Try this exercise for creating space
Take a long hard look at everything in
your life Ė I mean everything. Imagine picking it up; examining it from
all angles and ask yourself,
"Does this do anything for me? Does
it serve me in some way and if so, how?"
And if not, ask yourself if itís okay to get rid of it.
Is it clutter, does it help you
know yourself or to feel good about yourself? Your prime purpose in life
is to discover and know yourself. Does this item add anything to your
life? If not, itís clutter. See if you can get rid of it.
Now, do the same with
the people in your life.
The purpose of each and every
relationship in your life is to provide the space for you to BE you. So,
question each of your relationships; ask yourself if being in
relationship with this person allows you to know and like yourself as
who you are.
When you meet someone you know, ask
yourself, do I like myself when Iím with him / her? If not, question the
need for continuing with that relationship.
I know this sounds hard-hearted and
calloused, but if youíre stuck in a box filled with people and stuff
that no longer belongs in your life -- no longer fits in with who you're
now being, you'll need to create the space for someone or
something that's a better fit.
You can do that by
creating a bigger box or by discarding who and what doesn't fit.
If what you're finding in your life no
longer supports who you are or who you intend to be, you may want to
create space for something new by dumping the old. Nature says, you must
create the void before the new good life can show up.
And about having the good life, Helen
Keller said, ďLife is
either a daring adventure or itís nothing.Ē
What weíre talking about today is being
brave enough to create the space for your new reality. Nature abhors a
vacuum. So when you create the void, Iíll guarantee that nature will
fill it-- if not with good stuff, then with junk. The choice is yours.
The first thing you must do before you
can ever have what you want from life is create the space in which it
true purpose in life is to finally come to know who you really are.
You'll make that discovery by being yourself under any and all
circumstances. What belongs in your life then just automatically show
that end in mind, every person, thing or activity in your life should,
in some way, nourish you or provide you with the experience of being who
to create the space for the real you to emerge, you may want to
reevaluate every person and / or thing in your life with the question.
Does this person or
thing contribute anything of value to my life? And if not, could I
Don't be surprised if letting go of "what was" in favor of
"what can be" is a painful process.
Finding the perfect mate for yourself is a four part process.
Knowing yourself well enough to...
Know what sort of person you want in your life
Creating the space for that relationship to be in your life
Choosing to be the one to whom that perfect person would be attracted.
To learn more about creating space for your soul mate to
show up in your life,
you might want to read
BEING THE SOLUTION. But I suspect you'll need help in dealing with your
natural resistance to the change in you that would allow that perfect person
to show up..
For that help, you may want to sign up for the next Online
BEING WORKSHOP. To buy the book or sign up for the workshop,
Darel Rutherford, Permission
to reprint this article is hereby granted provided the following contact
information is included: