Tough Love...
Is The Parent Allowing The Child
To Make His Or Her Own Choices,
Learning The Hard Way,
Reaping Consequences And/Or Benefits

  • Tough love is saying no when the yes would be much easier, but would make the child or other person more of a dependant.
  • Tough Love is non-manipulative and unconditional
  • Tough Love offers empathy, but not sympathy
  • Tough Love is non-supportive of victim stories
  • Tough Love offers support and courage, but not help
  • Tough love encourages strength not weakness
  • Tough love doesn't worry that you might make a mistake
  • In fact, tough love encourages free choice and the learning that comes from making mistakes.
  • Tough love opts for your growth in consciousness
  • Tough love says, "If you eat crackers in bed; sleep you must sleep with the crumbs."
  • Tough love knows that you must learn how to lose before you can win.
  • Tough love knows that security is in letting go, not in hanging on.
  • Tough Love is the courage to say "No" when "Yes" would spoil the child
  • Tough love knows that help freely given can create dependency
  • Tough Love demands responsible behavior
  • Tough Love doesn't do for them what they can do for themselves
  • Tough Love expects cooperation and courteous behavior
  • Tough Love respects their rights and command the respect of others

For several years of my life played the role of a Guru. It seems I loved having people need me; otherwise, why would I have set so many people up to need me?

  • My family needed me.

  • I owned a business with over 100 employees; they all needed me.

  • I was president of the board of my church three times; the board of directors and the members all needed me.

  • I was even a minister's Guru for 12 years. His sermons on Sunday always seemed to be on what we had talked about on Saturdays.

  • I was a management consultant advising small business men and women on how to run their business.

It was great to be needed by all those people. And then one day, I woke up to the fact that my helping was keeping them stuck. They would not be allowed to grow if I solved all their problems for them. They wouldn't learn from their mistakes if I gave them the answers they needed to be finding on their own.

They would never become self sufficient unless I stopped feeding them fish and, instead, showed them how to become fishermen. When we are not allowed to suffer the consequences of our unwise choices, we have no opportunity to grow.

Giving up my Guru role in life was one of the hardest things I've ever done. During that time of my life, I still had a multitude of people coming to me for advice. To help me through this transition, when asked for advice, I'd ask myself, "What would God do for this person?" The answer in each case was, "Nothing."

You see, God, by putting a part of Himself in each of us, gave you and I the power to choose who we would be, and then He left us on our own to make mistakes and learn from those mistakes.

Unconditional love is the space we create for each other to be who we are, and that's God's love. I call it tough love.

The above message comes from a past issue of RICHBITS, but RICHBITS is now focused on bringing you solutions for your money problems. To bring you weekly bits of relationship advice, we now publish RELATIONSHIP SOLUTIONS.

Weekly solutions for your your relationship problems could show up in your email once a week if you subscribe to RELATIONSHIP SOLUTIONS. To see if you're interested, you might want to take a look at the list of future articles you could expect to receive as your weekly message.

Future RELATIONSHIP SOLUTIONS Articles

  • What to expect from a relationship
  • How you can be a true friend
  • The real purpose of a relationship
  • Your relationship as an agreement
  • Being true to yourself
  • What to do about broken agreements
  • The importance of keeping your word
  • If you can't say what you really think
  • Undelivered communications
  • What to do when you've changed your mind about who you are
  • Taking back your power
  • Finding the freedom to be YOU
  • Negotiating a new agreement
  • The key to a great relationship
  • If you can't be yourself in a relationship
  • Each relationship, a mirror
  • How to handle criticism and emotional abuse
  • Friendship skills
  • The role of Givers and Takers
  • Codependency, good or bad?
  • If you fear being alone
  • Subscribe to RELATIONSHIP SOLUTIONS,  to receive the Keys to having Happy, Loving Relationships Sample issue below...

  • Subscribe to RICHBITS and learn The Science of Thinking Yourself Rich.
    Click here for
    A SAMPLE ISSUE of  RICHBITS

  • The RICHBITS Newsletter will focus only on solving your money problems.

  • RELATIONSHIP SOLUTIONS focus will be on solving relationship problems.


 

RELATIONSHIP SOLUTIONS, is a free weekly inspirational email newsletter based on the philosophy - we become what we think about.

Another such philosophical rule of life is this: what we have or don't have in life is a direct result of our way of thinking. These two spiritual laws give us humans, the power to change our circumstances by simply changing the pattern of our thinking.

So, if you are enduring circumstances you'd like to change you might want to read more and find the BEING SOLUTION for your problem.

In addition to the my NEWSLETTERS, I've authored several books on the science of thinking yourself healthy, wealthy, and happy. We also conduct workshops on how to apply the life-governing principles to create the good life. Did I forget to mention, it's FREE!

Sample Issue:


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Every relationship is an unwritten agreement about who we will be in it.

We spend our lives moving in and out of relationships without ever realizing this truth about relationships.

The real value, then, in those relationships is that they provide us with the opportunity to experience BEING who we are, or who we say we are. Each relationship allows you to experience yourself in a different way, exposing a different facet of your being in each case.

With everyone you know, you've chosen a different role to play find yourself in a different way in each. Notice that role playing requires opposites.

Just know, that when you change your mind about who you will be, it's not necessary to choose out of the relationship. To make that relationship work for you, just make a new agreement.

If you liked what you read here, you may want to subscribe to receive a weekly shot of wisdom about keeping your relationships alive and well. Subscribe to RELATIONSHIP SOLUTIONS.

 Darel


"BEING THE SOLUTIONS, transformed my life
!*  * …it's so clear to me now. * …my self-worth soared"-" * ...written by a successful business man and a brilliant metaphysician!  * ...life changing guide"-"  * ...greatest book I've ever read.."-" *...peels off layer after layer of false perceptions* "* ...found a system that really works!"-" * ... Wow! profound principles with simple steps to follow! *

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Think about it. Solving your relationship problem may require the negotiation of a new agreement.

Darel

 


 

If you'd like to learn more about The Science of Thinking Yourself Healthy, Happy and Rich, subscribe to The RELATIONSHIP SOLUTIONS Newsletter. It's free.

Your BEING coach,

 

Darel

 

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