Is The Parent Allowing The Child
To Make His Or Her Own Choices,
Learning The Hard Way,
Reaping Consequences And/Or Benefits
Tough Love is non-manipulative and
Tough Love offers empathy, but not sympathy
Tough Love is non-supportive of victim stories
Tough Love offers support and courage, but not help
Tough love encourages strength not weakness
Tough love doesn't worry that you might make a mistake
In fact, tough love encourages free choice and the learning that
comes from making mistakes.
Tough love opts for your growth in consciousness
Tough love says, "If you eat crackers in bed; sleep you must
sleep with the crumbs."
Tough love knows that you must learn how to lose before you can
Tough love knows that security is in letting go, not in hanging
Tough Love is the courage to say "No" when "Yes" would spoil the
Tough love knows that help freely given can create dependency
Tough Love demands responsible behavior
Tough Love doesn't do for them what they can do for themselves
Tough Love expects cooperation and courteous behavior
Tough Love respects their rights and command the respect of others
Tough love is saying no when the yes
would be much easier, but would make the child or other person more of a dependant.
For several years of my life
played the role of a Guru. It seems I loved having people need me;
otherwise, why would I have set so many people up to need me?
My family needed me.
I owned a business with over
100 employees; they all needed me.
I was president of the board
of my church three times; the board of directors and the members all
I was even a minister's Guru
for 12 years. His sermons on Sunday always seemed to be on what we had
talked about on Saturdays.
I was a management
consultant advising small business men and women on how to run their
It was great to be needed by
all those people. And then one day, I woke up to the fact that my helping
was keeping them stuck. They would not be allowed to grow if I solved all
their problems for them. They wouldn't learn from their mistakes if I gave
them the answers they needed to be finding on their own.
They would never become self
sufficient unless I stopped feeding them fish and, instead, showed them
how to become fishermen. When we are not allowed to suffer the
consequences of our unwise choices, we have no opportunity to grow.
Giving up my Guru role in
life was one of the hardest things I've ever done. During that time of my
life, I still had a multitude of people coming to me for advice. To help
me through this transition, when asked for advice, I'd ask myself, "What
would God do for this person?" The answer in each case was, "Nothing."
You see, God, by putting a
part of Himself in each of us, gave you and I the power to choose who we
would be, and then He left us on our own to make mistakes and learn from
Unconditional love is the
space we create for each other to be who we are, and that's God's love. I
call it tough love.
The above message comes from a past issue of RICHBITS, but
RICHBITS is now focused on bringing you solutions for your money problems. To
bring you weekly bits of relationship advice, we now publish
Weekly solutions for your your relationship problems could show
up in your email once a week if you
RELATIONSHIP SOLUTIONS. To see if you're interested, you might want to take
a look at the list of future articles you could expect to receive as your weekly
What to expect from a
How you can be a true friend
The real purpose of a relationship
Your relationship as an agreement
Being true to yourself
What to do about broken agreements
The importance of keeping your word
If you can't say what you really think
What to do when you've changed your mind about
who you are
Taking back your power
Finding the freedom to be YOU
Negotiating a new agreement
The key to a great relationship
If you can't be yourself in a relationship
Each relationship, a mirror
How to handle criticism and emotional abuse
The role of Givers and Takers
Codependency, good or bad?
If you fear being alone
SOLUTIONS, to receive the Keys to having Happy, Loving Relationships
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Another such philosophical rule of life is this:
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relationship is an unwritten agreement about who we will be in it.
We spend our
lives moving in and out of relationships without ever realizing this truth
The real value, then, in those
relationships is that they provide us with the opportunity to experience
BEING who we are, or who we say we are. Each relationship allows you to
experience yourself in a different way, exposing a different facet of your
being in each case.
With everyone you know, you've chosen a
different role to play find yourself in a different way in each. Notice
that role playing requires opposites.
Just know, that when you change your
mind about who you will be, it's not necessary to choose out of the
relationship. To make that relationship work for you, just make a new agreement.
If you liked what you read here, you may
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"BEING THE SOLUTIONS, transformed my life!* * …it's
so clear to me now. * …my self-worth soared"-"
a successful business man and a brilliant metaphysician! * ...life
* ...greatest book I've ever read.."-" *...peels off layer after layer of false
perceptions* "* ...found a system that really works!"-" * ... Wow! profound
principles with simple steps to follow! *
To learn more about "BEING THE SOLUTION",
Think about it. Solving your relationship problem may
require the negotiation of a new agreement.