Solving Relationship problems by....

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THE PROBLEM

Constantly Criticized:

Leona complained, I'm being constantly criticized by my husband and my sister and I don't know what to do about it.

THE BEING SOLUTION
( from page 189 of 'BEING' )

Leona was obviously having a bad day. When I asked why, she explained that she had been criticized and put-down by three different people in the past week.

She had taken their criticism to heart and was still reacting to it when I saw her. I decided it was time to introduce Leona to the BEING SOLUTION.

But first I suggested that she had probably earned the criticism she received from them (yet another blow to her wounded ego).

To explain, I said, “You are no longer the same person you were a year ago when you first married; you’ve obviously grown in consciousness.”  Her face brightened, and she said, “You’re right, I have grown!”

Then I continued, “You’ve come out of your box, but your husband and your sister keep trying to put you back into the old box. They need you in there, being who you were before. This is so they can feel comfortable being with you.”

I continued, “These two assume the right to criticize you for not living up to the unwritten agreement you had with them, back when you were the old you. You broke that agreement the moment you changed your mind about who you would be.

Those relationships are not working for you at the moment because you haven’t made new agreements with them about who you’re willing to be for them and they for you. Your choices: either you make the new agreement or live with their criticism.”

“It boils down to this: you can no longer be who they want you to be; it’s too late for that. They must accept you as you are or not. When they come to accept the new you, the new agreement will have been made.“

Again she nodded in agreement and asked, “Yeah, but what do I do about the criticism?”

If you have Leona's problem, consider this:

Their criticism is not the real problem; the problem is in how you have chosen to deal with that criticism. If you see yourself as a victim of that criticism you are, and will remain powerless, until you change your mind about who you will BE in that situation.

The strength of criticism
lies in the weakness of the thing criticized.
Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

The solution to your problem with being criticized will be in your choosing to change your way of BEING with the faultfinding,  so that it no longer has significance for you. If you can do that, you will have risen above the criticism.

If you’re troubled by criticism, ask yourself:

Who would I be BEING if their criticism was not a problem for me?

That question makes you stop and think, doesn't it?

For Leona, I suggested a visualization she could use to transform the way she saw herself in the relationship with her sister and her husband.

You'll find that visualization on page 190 of BEING THE SOLUTION.

Leona did the visualization and here are the results:

She was able to confront her husband and her sister with the fact that she was no longer who she had agreed to be in that relationship.

She then made it clear that she had no intention of being put back into that old box. Then she made a new agreement with each of them about who she would be for him and her and what she expected in return.

On page 190 of  'BEING' you'll find the visualization I gave Leona that allowed her to rise above the problem and make a new agreement.

In Chapter 18, Find the Unwritten Agreement, and the Solution to your Problem, you'll find the power you'll need to negotiate a new agreement.

So, are you being constantly criticized by someone in your life? You might want to read Chapter 15, of BEING THE SOLUTION - Solving Relationship Problems.

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