Solving Relationship problems by....

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THE PROBLEM

Emotionally abused:

Della wrote: My husband is very negative and says things that at best annoy me and at worst hurt and enrage me. I think of them as being emotionally abusive.

THE BEING SOLUTION
( from page 192 of 'BEING' )

When a marriage has turned sour, the partners in that relationship say things that hurt one another. This often happens when the relationship is on the rocks but neither party wants to take responsibility for ending it.

Although they're often not aware of it, the intent of both parties is to detach themselves from the relationship. I call this detachment the destroy process. You'll need to read Chapter 19 of BEING THE SOLUTIONS to really understand this process.

But, when into the Destroy process the parties in a relationship, tend to berate each other, unconsciously hoping the other will make the first move to abandon the relationship.

The hidden or unconscious intent in the Destroy process is to make the other person wrong, so that you will feel right about choosing out (detaching).

Again, the problem is never what it seems; the problem is in who you are BEING relative to the breaking up of the relationship.

The key to solving that problem is in changing who you are being relative to the break up. So, if this sounds like your problem ask yourself this question:

 Who would I be BEING if I were happy about being free of an hurtful relationship?

 The key to dealing with the anger, grief, and hurt is to replace it with a happy thought. Visualize what your life would be like without the grief.

On page 192 of  'BEING' you'll find the visualization I gave Della that allowed her to rise above the problem with her husbands emotionally abusive comments.

So, if you're into the destroy phase of a relationship, you might want to read Chapter 15, of BEING THE SOLUTION - Solving Relationship Problems.

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