Solving Relationship problems by

Solving Relationship problems by....

About the author > Contact us > Testimonials > Products > Home>

THE PROBLEM

Spouse Alcoholic:

Rose said, He sometimes goes on a toot and spends our whole paycheck in one alcoholic binge. Each time he makes promises that he'll never do it again, but he always, sooner or later, breaks that promise.

THE BEING SOLUTION
( from page 236 of 'BEING' )

A relationship is an agreement about
who you will be for them
and they for you.

--Darel Rutherford

Life works by agreement

Once you get that every relationship is an unwritten agreement, you will have found the key to solving all your relationship problems.

Every written contract, to be validated, must be signed by both parties. Your unwritten agreements should be seen in the same light.

Just remember, “it takes two to tango.” If you don’t like that dance, change the music!

Most of us would like to disagree that any such agreement exists. But it does!

I remember Rose’s reaction when I suggested that she had an unwritten agreement with her alcoholic husband about his “lost weekends.”

She violently disagreed when I explained that years ago, she had made it okay for him to spend whole paychecks on drunken three-day binges.

To help Rose understand, I asked,

“What happened the first time he did that?”

She replied,

    “I stayed mad at him for several days,
but forgave him
        when he promised never to do it again.”

And I continued,

“Rose, that’s the agreement—that he can go on   a toot; you will be mad at him for a while; he’ll make promises, and then you will forgive him. You now live your life in bondage to that agreement!”

Rose finally saw the light and decided, in that moment, to make a new agreement.

She had played the victim in that relationship until she realized that she shared equal responsibility for creating the unwritten agreement that had made her life miserable for years.

Notice that the minute Rose admitted the existence of an unwritten agreement, she found the power to change it.

You too, will find the solution to your relationship problems when you can allow yourself to acknowledge the unwritten agreement and opt to make a new one.

He who is firm in will molds the world to himself.

--Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

You'll find answers for your problem of "living with an alcoholic" in Chapter 18, of BEING THE SOLUTION - Find the Unwritten Agreement and the solution to your Problems.

You may also want to read Chapter 15, of BEING THE SOLUTION - Solving Relationship Problems

Ready now? Click here...

I remember Rose’s reaction when I suggested that she had an unwritten agreement with her alcoholic husband about his “lost weekends.”

She violently disagreed when I explained that years ago, she had made it okay for him to spend whole paychecks on drunken three-day binges.

To help Rose understand, I asked,

“What happened the first time he did that?”

She replied,

“I stayed mad at him for several days, but forgave him when he promised never to do it again.”

And I continued,

“Rose, that’s the agreement—that he can go on a toot; you will be mad at him for a while; he’ll make promises, and then you will forgive him. You now live your life in bondage to that agreement!”

Rose finally saw the light and decided, in that moment, to make a new agreement.

She had played the victim in that relationship until she realized that she shared equal responsibility for creating the unwritten agreement that had made her life miserable for years.

Notice that the minute Rose admitted the existence of an unwritten agreement, she found the power to change it.

You too, will find the solution to your relationship problems when you can allow yourself to acknowledge the unwritten agreement and opt to make a new one.

“I stayed mad at him for several days,
but forgave him
when he promised never to do it again.”