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"I'm in love with a man of a different faith;
how can we make our families to accept this?"

A Relationship Problem

 

TB wrote:

Hi Darel,

I would like to tell you my story because I’m tired of thinking it over & over & not finding a Solution.

 

I’m a girl in love soooooooooo much with a wonderful person “A MAN OF MY DREAMS” & he loves me as well, but the problem is that I’m a MUSLIM & he is a CHEISTIAN. For us, we are willing to do anything it would take in order to be together at the end.

 

I’m 24 & he is 29 but we still can’t leave the country if the problems start between the families because no body would understand how we do feel. At the same time we would like to minimize the pain for everybody, but what we are sure of is that WE CAN’T LIVE WITHOUT EACH OTHER.

 

Thanks a lot

A Being Solution:

Thank you , TB. for submitting this problem but, before I offer you a BEING Solution for it, I feel I must restate the problem as I think others will see it.

 

The problem:

When one falls in love with someone of a different religion, the DOING Solution that works best would be for one of you to convert to the other’s religion. If that solution doesn’t work for either of you, and you choose to marry in spite of your religious differences; the mixed marriage problem will raise its ugly head later on and become much more significant at that time.

 

For instance, when the bloom of romantic love wears off, and you have kids to raise, the question is, “Who will get to be the one who decides to which church you’ll send the kids?” And then, which grandparents gets to baby sit the kids?

 

Romantic love has a tendency to blind both parties in any relationship. Life for the in-love, is seen through rose-colored glasses, and their attitude is, “We’ll do whatever it takes to make it work; WE WILL work it all out.” But once the honeymoon is over, it’s back to reality. And that’s when you’ll have to face up to the difference in your belief systems.

 

Now that I’ve restated the problems that just naturally come with a mixed marriage, TB, I can give you the good news: The fact is, that none of the above will matter a hill of beans if you and you’re your boyfriend can rise above your family’s resistance to the marriage.

 

You see, it doesn’t matter what they think if you can make it not matter to you what they think. The real problem, from a BEING Solution point of view, is that it DOES matter to you what they think.

 

The problem is not with their attitude; it’s in whom you two are BEING relative to your family’s opinions and feelings. If you could turn off that caring in you, and choose a new way of BEING relative to their opinions, you wouldn’t have a problem, would you?

 

So, as I see it, you have two problems that need a Being Solution. The first problem you must solve is between you and your boy friend. You need to get serious about your religious differences and find a way to resolve that difference before you get married, and that includes the question of whose religion will be taught to the kids. If you can’t solve that now, you won’t solve it later.

 

You must see that this is a BIG Being Decision for both you. And that must be made before you get married. Solve that one first, because if you don’t the other won’t matter.

 

If you get past that hurdle, then the two of you must choose to BE the one’s who can deal with the family resistance without giving in to it.

 

Remember, your problem is not with them; it’s with you. You can’t change them. You can only change you. If you can choose to BE someone whose family’s opinion doesn’t matter, your problem will be solved.

 

Darel