Hi Darel

Thanks for your question MT.

I can only imagine how you must feel about being betrayed, deceived by by someone you trusted. It's quite natural that you would see yourself as the victim of that betrayal. So, I understand completely how you feel.

But, in order to help you solve your problem, I need to ask you to give up your victim role. For as long as you choose to remain the victim, you will be powerless. Choosing out of your victim role will give you back the power you must have to solve your problem with a new BEING choice.

How do you choose not to be a victim?

I think, maybe, the first step in finding your way out of the victim role would be to allow yourself to see that you chose that role to play in this instance.

Every reaction, every action you've taken in life was after having first made a BEING decision regarding some happening that required your response.

It's a rule of life that you must first decide who you will BE before you will know what to do or how you will deal with that circumstance.

So, to regain your power MT, you must first allow yourself to see that, in this case, you've chosen to be the victim.

Unfortunately, choosing out of the victim role requires you taking some measure of responsibility for what's happened.

I realize how hard that concept must be for you, at the moment, but it's truly a necessary part of of the process of regaining your power to negotiate a new agreement with your hubby, assuming that's something you might want to do.

He may be over there thinking that he really screwed up for good, and that there's no way back. He may be wishing that there was some way to make it up to you, but unable to even offer because that door slammed shut so hard and with such anger and certainty that there's no hope.

He may be the only one at fault in what has led to this separation, but I think, for the sake of finding your power and choosing out of your victim role, you might want see if there's some way for you to take even a little bit of the responsibility.

Believe me MT, there are no accidents. No punishment, only consequences. So, see if there's some sort of rationalization that would let you choose to no longer be the victim, here.

Once you've stepped out of your victim role, you will have regained some measure of your personal power. Then, you'll be able to more clearly look at other ways to BE with your problem relationship.

From a position of power you can choose from several options. Here are a couple possible BEING choices:

You could choose to consider forgiving him and trying again.

You could choose to see that the relationship was no longer nurturing or satisfying for you and be thankful to be free.

You could choose out of the relationship and offer a new relationship with your hubby under a newly negotiated agreement.

You could choose to be happy being free to enjoy a new life outside a non-nurturing relationship.

And, of course, you can come up with any number of other options, each one empowering because you'll know you've made a new BEING choice that will create a brand new and rewarding reality.

I hope this helps

Darel