A Relationship problem:

 

Do I follow my heart in this affair or listen to my head?

C S wrote:

 

My problem,

 

I am in love with and have been in an affair with a lady who I know could make me very happy. She is married with two young children. She also works for me. Our situation is at the point where we either take it further or end it.

 

We are very similar people and share the same thoughts on many subjects, we enjoy talking together and have similar aspirations and dreams.

 

I think we would be perfect together as a couple but I have no idea just how much heartache and trouble it would be for her to leave her husband.

 

My dilemma is - do I follow my heart and make a life changing decision, or do I follow my head which is telling me there are plenty more fish is the sea.

 

I hope you can shed light on my dilemma and help me to make a decision.

 

Kind regards,

 

C S

A BEING Solution

Thanks for the question, C S

 

The question you've asked is do I follow my heart or my head, and I don't think that's the real question.

 

Every situation we face in life, C S, requires, first, a BEING choice and then a DOING decision. So the real question for you is, "Who would I be BEING if I asked her to bring her kids, leave her husband,  and come with me?"

 

And the other question you would want to ask yourself is, "Who would I be BEING if I broke off this attachment, knowing that there are many more fish in the sea?"

 

I can't tell you what to do or who to be in this case. I normally tell people to go with the heart and not the head, but in a situation like this, that may not be the best advice. Romantic love tends to be blind, and people can get hurt when driving blind.

 

The real purpose of any relationship is that you get to experience being who you are. The valuable relationship is the one in which you are given the space to be yourself and to grow in consciousness. And, a relationship last only for as long as you continue to like yourself while in that relationship.

 

So you see, C S, it all boils down to a BEING choice, not only for you but for her. And while your at it, both of you should ask yourself which BEING decision would have me liking myself more a year from now?

 

Romantic entanglements are often more of an attachment than a real solid relationship. In such cases, both parties are often blind to the consequences, like the feelings of others. Love partners are generally willing to do almost anything to keep the illusion of love alive.

 

But, if you are so attached to the other person that you can't be yourself in that relationship for fear of destroying the relationship, that relationship is not serving you. You don't really have a relationship, you have an attachment. Sooner or later you will realize that you enslaved yourself with that relationship and you will detach yourself.

 

C S, romantic love is not the real thing, but you can make it into the real thing. Real love is the space that we create for each other to be who we really are. Real love is God's love expressing through us as us. With all of that said, it's now up to you to decide -- who will you choose to BE in a way that answers your own question?

 

"Go with the head or the heart?"

 

Hope this helps with the decision

 

Darel