Salvage your
Relationship with a New Agreement
So, what exactly is a
relationship?
A
relationship is an agreement
about who you
will be for them and they for you.
--Darel Rutherford
You'll easily solve all your relationship
problems...
...once
you see that life works by agreement.
Because then you'll see
that the BEING solution for your problem is to choose a new way of
BEING in that relationship. And the DOING solution for your
relationship problem is to make a new agreement.
Is this a picture of you and your dog?

For example:
If your dog jerks you around from pillar to post when
you’re taking it for a walk, you obviously have an agreement with your dog
that it, not you, is in charge of the walk.
If your boss jerks you around at work, you must realize
that he/she couldn’t do this without your permission. Your response to
mistreatment, when it happened the first time, set the stage for it to happen
again and again.
If you see yourself as the victim in a relationship, you
may be surprised to learn that you have an agreement with that person that
it’s okay for you to be pushed around. Think about it!
For the purpose of this
discussion, we’re not concerned with who’s doing what to whom; what matters
here is
that you come to realize that your relationships are based on unwritten
agreements about how you will relate to each other.
Only you can decide who you will be in any given
relationship. If you don't like the way it's going, choose a new way of BEING!
You will be the victim in any relationship
for as long as you continue to
play the victim role
--Darel Rutherford
So,
how do you deal with non-working relationships?
Just smile and
then change the agreement. One of life’s
greatest revelations is the realization that you have unconsciously made an
agreement with each and every person in your reality—an agreement about who
you will be for them and they for you. Once you begin to see all relationships
as unwritten agreements, you will have found the power to transform the
quality of your life forever. From that moment on, when a relationship rubs
you the wrong way, you’ll simply smile and propose a change in the agreement!
When you’re tired of being
jerked around by your dog, a gentle pull on the leash, from time to time, will
let your dog know that you are taking control. When it gets the message, you
will have made a new agreement with your dog. The solution to your
relationship with your boss or a friend might be handled just as easily. You
may want to begin by asking yourself who you would be BEING if he or she no
longer felt free to treat you in that manner. Then, having made your new BEING
decision, you would be empowered to make a new agreement with that person
about how you will be treated in the future.
He or she may not agree,
but so what? Without the new agreement, the relationship doesn’t work for you
anyway. You have made a new BEING choice, and the new you no longer fits the
old mold.