Hi %$firstname$% -
Solving Self-Image Problems
The following question was asked by a
relationship counselor during his relationship seminar.
"Who has a relationship problem
they would like to share with us?"
Mary volunteered and shared this
problem:
"I have a co-worker who thinks I
need advice on how to do my job. She keeps leaving these unwelcome notes on my
desk to point out what she thinks I did wrong, with suggestions on how she
thinks I should be doing it. She's not my supervisor and I deeply resent her
constant critical notes. What can I do to solve this problem?"
Mary's problem sounds very much like a relationship problem, but it is
actually a self-image problem. If Mary had a powerful self-image, she would have
easily handled the problem the first time it happened. Her question asks the
seminar leader for a doing solution to a problem that must first be solved with
a BEING change.
Your current
BEING choice (your self-image) has set a limit
on what you may
or may not have in life.
Change The Blueprint
The most important discovery you
could ever make in life would be to realize that your self-image is the mental
blueprint for your life. How you picture yourself BEING in your chosen reality
determines what you may or may not have from life, and your self-concept sets
the pattern for how you will deal with life's circumstances.
Sow an act and you
reap a habit.
Sow a habit and you
reap a character.
Sow a character and
you reap a destiny. -- Charles Reade
If you think you are
dumb, you will get grades in school to prove it. If you think you are unlovable,
you will push away those who try to hug you. Your self-image has set the limits;
the die is cast; your lot in life is fixed until you make the second most
important discovery in life:
You CAN change your
self-image.
YES, you have the power
to redefine your self-concept. You can change the blueprint that runs your life!
If you didn't know how to make changes before, you do now. The perfect tool for
the job is the Power Pause! If you are new to the Richbits Newsletter and would
like to learn more about the Power Pause, go to the bottom of this article,
click on Past Issues and read issues 84 -90.
Let's talk about Mary's
problem. She attended the relationship seminar, hoping to learn what she should
be DOING in order to be more assertive. She complained about the coworker who
continually left critical notes on her desk She wanted advice on how she should
deal with this person.
As I see it, Mary's
question (What should I DO to solve my problem?) was not the right question. She
asked for a DOING suggestion when the appropriate question would have been:
Who would I be
BEING if
my co-worker's
critical notes were no longer a problem?
Possible Solutions For
Mary
-
Mary could choose that the coworker's notes would no
longer disturb her peace of mind. By assuming a so-what attitude, she will have
taken away her coworker's power to influence her feelings one-way or the other,
or...
-
Mary, empowered
by a new level of self-confidence, could confront her coworker and make a new
agreement with her so that she no long felt free to criticize, or...
-
Mary could accept the coworker as a mentor, thank her for
the good advice, become best friends with her. Then her new friend would no long
feel the need to criticize.
Any one of the above three solutions could eliminate the
problem, and on the surface all of them seem to be DOING solutions. What you
must see here is that each of those solutions requires a change in who Mary will
BE relative to her perceived problem.
With the above solutions in mind, I think you will also
see that telling Mary what she should DO to deal with the coworker would not
have served either her or the coworker unless it moved Mary to make the
necessary BEING switch. Mary would have been happy with "what-to-do" advice, and
she might even have found the courage to act on it, but the doing part would
have been out of character for her without a change in who she was BEING.
Next week more about how Mary could solve her problem.
This article is taken from my book "Being The
Solution",
Chapter 14 - Solving Self-Image Problems.
A complimentary Free download of the 1st 4
chapters
of "Being The Solution" is available on
the right side bar of this newsletter.
