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Trapped In Your Act

When I was 4 years old I followed my older brother George,  to school one day. We were 4 blocks from home before he noticed me. He became very angry, cussing me all the way back home because I was making him late for school. As a result of that silly incident, that four-year old came to the conclusion that since my older brother didn't love me, nobody did.

After pouting for a while I came to the conclusion that needing people made you vulnerable to pain. I made up my mind as a four-year old that I would never allow myself to need anyone again. My story became, "I don't need anyone". I want you to see that my story was arrived at for the purpose of avoiding pain. That story ran my life for the next 40 years, until I was able to remember the event that triggered my erroneous conclusion.

I'm telling you my story, sharing my act with you, because I want you to become aware that you also have an act, we all do. And, realize it or not, your act is running your life! I want you to see that your act is set up as a means of avoiding some form of pain.

  • Your act is whatever role you've chosen to play in life.

  • Your act is the brave front you're using to protect and hide your vulnerability.

  • Your act is whoever you've chosen to BE, so you would never be hurt again in the same way.

  • Your act is also your ongoing attempt to prove something you thought you needed to prove, but that you would have no need to prove if you could accept that it was already so. And it already is!

The trouble with having an act is that it hides the Real You. And the problem with your story is that you made it up at a time in your life when you were not old enough or wise enough to understand the life-altering consequences of your having arrived at such a weighty conclusion.

You'd be wiser than most if you could accept that you do in fact, have an act, and even wiser still if you  realized that your act has you. Your act is the story you're using to hide your fear, the bars of your cage. Those hidden fears are in place to keep you safe. Fears are the avoidance of pain, and the only way past your fear is through the pain and out the other side with a Winner's Attitude.

The pain you are avoiding with your story will be locked into your body until you find the courage to release it with a walk through the pain. Why experience the pain, real or imagined? Because the necessary Winner's Attitude and the success you want is on the other side of the avoided pain.

Ego's Traps

Ego's tricks for trapping you once again in the old box are:

  • A pipe dream goal (your ego does not fear an unbelievable goal)

  • You have amnesia

  • There's no way out

  • I don't know how

  • Mind Chatter

  • Overwhelm

  • Procrastination

  • The ego con job

  •     - You have tomato plants, but no ripe tomatoes

  •     - It was fluke, it would have happened anyway

  •     - It was a coincidence

  •     - You couldn't do it again

It is important to realize that in order to win out in any situation, you must first acquire the Winner's Attitude. And by winning, I don't mean when you win someone else must lose. In fact, it means exactly the opposite. To be a real winner in every situation, you will want every outcome in every situation to be a win-win for both parties. And the only way that can happen is if you are totally unattached to the outcome.

Most of us, realize it or not, are trapped in a game of survival, our act. In other words, you already have a defensive attitude about life in most situations, and the world around you is responding automatically to that attitude. In most cases, for most of us, our attitude will be part of our defense system. Your defense system is your story about life that you created to keep you safe from harm.

But in most cases the imagined harm you are avoiding is not real. You just made it up as you went along. Your survival mechanism is your act, your story.

Your story is the embodiment of your beliefs. It is the foundation from which you create. You live within the experience of your beliefs and create within the context of their limits. You are your reality. To realize that there is no limits to your being is to release the limiting beliefs with which you define your being. But it is your attitudes in each situation that define your story.

The caging effect, the outer walls of your story (act), were originally set up to protect you from harm or to avoid pain, and also enslave you and limit the choices you make. In that cage, avoiding pain, you'll tend to lose touch with knowing that you are the creator of your reality.

The only way out of that cage is a walk through the avoided pain and out the other side with a Winner's Attitude. How does walking through the pain give you a Winner's Attitude?

When you step into your fear, only one of two things can happen; either what you feared does not happen, and you will realize it was unfounded, or what you are fearing does happen, and you'll realize that not only can you cope with it, you will have healed the wound created when you first shielded yourself from experiencing that pain.

In either case, in allowing yourself to experience the pain, you are liberated, alive, joyful and happily BEING you on the other side of your fear. Believe me, you did not make the pain go away by avoiding it; you merely created a wound that will stay with you until you find the courage to experience the pain.


Chapter 5 - The Winner's Attitude

 "To God Or As God" - Pg. 52


What's is a winner's attitude?

A winner's attitude is more than a state of mind; it is actually a spiritual awakening that allows you to know, intuitively, that you'll win no matter what obstacles you may face along the way toward your goal.


It is that Spirit of Aliveness in you that will step into and fill the gap once your fear has gone away. In that moment of making it totally okay to fail, you will have experienced your ego's death and rebirth.


Some other ways to describe a winner's attitude,

  • Self-confidence

  • Increased self-worth

  • Freedom from doubt

  • Belief in one's self and one's abilities

  • Certainty

  • Authority.

You could call it all of the above, but it's really much more than that, it's the Real You in charge!


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Chapter  11 - Who's In Charge?

from my book

"So, Why Aren't You Rich?" - Pg. 270 & 271


To know what life is about, we need an overview that allows us to see that we are not our ego. We are, instead, spiritual beings having a human experience.


Growing up is the process of learning to see life from

an objective rather than a subjective point of view.


To take charge of your life,

you need to look beyond your ego's delusions

and begin to see your life through the eyes of Spirit.


When your Spirit takes charge, fear will no longer be a barrier to your success, and as a transformed individual you will be filled with a new sense of aliveness. Life for you will take on a whole new meaning.


****  Would you like to read the 1st 3 chapters of "SO WHY AREN'T YOU RICH?" for FREE? Go to the right column of this newsletter.


Chapter 8  - Choosing to Be Rich

from my book

"Being The Solution" -  Pg. 96


It's only an illusion

As long as you continue to believe that your reality is solid, locked in stone and unchangeable, you will find no way out of the box you've built for yourself. But once you can see your reality as a figment of your imagination, you will have found your power of choice and the way out.


Our realities are each an illusion, built out of nothing more solid than attitudes, opinions and points of view. You and I were given the power to choose who we each would be, and an ego as the means by which we would experience that choice as our separate realities. Individual realities would not be possible if we didn't have an ego that performs the miracle of making our individualized realities seem real.


Each and every one of us on this planet has the power to create his or her own reality, and we've each done that. The remarkable thing here, is that while living under exactly the same circumstances, we can each experience life from a different point of view, each living our lives in entirely different realities.


Now that you're aware that your perceived reality is an illusion, you must know that your true reality is not in your circumstances, but in your attitude about those circumstances.


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Win at life and love by playing full out and unattached

Darel A. Rutherford
Author, Workshop Presenter, Life Coach

7116 Arroyo Del Oso NE
Albuquerque, NM 87109













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